Body-language and nonverbal communication

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Interrupting Communication 2

To begin with: Between China and western countries I think there is a big and important difference in living feelings, (cognitive) demands, (self-) control, a relationship and love. A difference which produces a lot irritation, disappointment, sadness, anger, hope and felling lost on the one hand or dependent on the other.

A week ago a friend of mine told me about his experience when the communication between his Chinese girl-friend and him was interrupted in a way which he could not understand and follow. They had had a relationship for say about one and a half years and they had been really in love with each other. After the relationship broke, they decided to go on being good friends but without a love-friendship. Both agreed ……………..

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The skín is the message 5 – The wish to be seen as resistance to the feeling of shame

Maybe you remember my experience in the underground of Berlin some dweeks ago. I had seen a couple having tattoos. When trying to look at the tattoos, because I got interested in the symbols which I could see even from the distance, the man addressed me in quite an aggressive way. He did not want to be seen, though having his tattoos uncovered so that everybody in the underground could see them.

So that everybody had to see them.

This experience again made me be aware of a paradox in our media society: There is a broad interest in to be seen, a deep longing for to be seen and a lot of activities to be seen. BUT on the one hand often the moment when someone is seen on TV or is so short that it is soon forgotten again. And on the other hand people react quite strange when they are seen, when someone really is interested in what they see.

This reminds me also of the feedback when people ……………..

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Being a Manager in China 1

Most of the companies prepare their managers for the visit to or the job in China. Popular is an intercultural workshop where you can get information about the country, the culture, the people, the climate andsoon. Often participants of those workshops try to get familiar a bit with these habits and rules of behavior or communication by roleplay.

Yet this is only: learning the vocabulary and grammatics. This is not ( yet ) real life. Of course you would say this resembles to learn swimming or driving a car. And of course you will argue: it takes quite a long time to drive your car correctly, safely and joyfully.

Being confronted with a new culture, with very different people with odd and strange habits produces quite a big stress and strain for ………………

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China for kids

When I came across this website I felt like a kid. 😉

And at the same time I felt invited to learn more about China, the Chinese people and the Chinese culture by following the advice of this website in a very playful way. Playing and exploring always is like an adventure. and to be honest I am convinced that being part of an adventure help to vanish all obstacles, all resistance to any kind of intercultural problems. And being a child invites you to explore a culture more or less on a noverbal level. And this is the chance you and we have. Trust this playful, nonverbal approach to you and the other. Trust the stranger in yourself and make him familiar to yourself. 😉

Trust the child in yourself.

http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/china_for_kids.htm

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Gender imbalance or: love has to be an effective and efficient project

Though this info dates back to 2010 it is more or less very up to date. The actuality even grows from year to year. The severe consequences for men and women in China will also grow from year to year. All this has of course a deep impact on (nonverbal) communication and relationship in China. Probably also among Chinese in other countries.

Remembering some Chinese talking about looking for or finding a man or a woman, or being found and chosen leads to peculiar and strange behavior between the sexes. For example, talking about this life issue often is connected to the perspective of having more or less a chance to find someone or to be found by someone. Looking for a relationship, trying to find someone to relate to and to fall in love with is ……………

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Body-painting and ritualisation

There’s a long tradition in body-painting in almost all cultures. Still nowadays you find body-painting connected with important cultural rituals, special dance performance, in theater and so on. Insofar body-painting is an official, socially and culturally accepted habit for special purposes and with a special meaning. And it is necessary for those cultures.

People who are part of those rituals know what they do, that they do it and they know about the meaning of what they’re doing. They feel integrated in society and in the culture and often they are proud of being part of this. Even if they do not know consciously there is a social knowing, a social unconscious knowing.

Each person feels being part and this helps to feel being accepted also on the very personal level of self-expression. One could think that there is not such a shame which I felt in the man’s reaction I talked about some days ago in my blog.

Body-painting and body-language related ……………..

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The Power of Emotion

there is an interesting talkshow today on tv. The issue “The power of emotions” is discussed from different points of view. My part is to illustrate the issue related to emotions in politics. The talkshow can be seen via th following link for about another week.

click on West ART talkshow

http://www.wdr.de/tv/westart/sonntag/sendungsbeitraege/2012/0617/uebersicht.jsp?sdatum=2012-6-17

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Daoism and psychotherapy in China

Since about 25 years western psychotherapists and psychiatrists go to China for communicating on psychotherapy (training) and caregiving. At the same more and more collegues from China com to western countries in order to learn more about this. Since then quite a lot of studies were made, which show integrating approaches as well as culturally seen big differences in approaching mental and emotional symptoms, disorders or problems on a relational level. Here is some further information by a collegue from the States.

In North America, I often hear the speculation that the directive approaches to psychotherapy match well with Chinese people’s respect for authority and their advice-seeking behavior. Indeed, this makes apparent sense. The structure of CBT also works well for a population that emphasizes learning and education. The practical, present- and future-centered focus of CBT also resonates well with Chinese people. Dr. Jun-Mian Xu, my supervisor and dissertation Chair at Fudan University in Shanghai, first introduced cognitive behavioral therapy to China after finishing a fellowship in Canada. He and his team have been working from this approach since the late 1980s and have trained hundreds of clinicians in CBT. Now, over 20 published studies have examined the effectiveness of cognitive behavioral therapy for depression, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, and personality disorders, with promising results.

Chinese researchers are searching for cultural …………………..

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Shame and psychotherapy in Chinese culture

The Chinese character of shame has two radicals: an ear on the left; and a stop on the right. Literally, anything you don’t want others to hear would be shameful. Shame can be distinguished from guilt: a total self-failure vis-à-vis a standard produces shame, while a specific self-failure results in guilt.1 The universal view of shame states that shame is one of the quintessential human emotions and feelings of shame are the same cross-culturally, which makes a lot of sense to me. Chinese culture values individuals who have a sense of shame, who know right from wrong and who have an awareness of falling short of a standard. In Western society it is not socially desirable to be shameless either, though what brings it about could be quite different. Culture plays a significant role in what precipitates shame, how shame is expressed and handled.

Thus, what is normal in one culture could be viewed as shameful in another. For example, sending aging parents with dementia to a nursing home for Chinese American caregivers is often viewed as something shameful as it violates the Confucian value of filial piety. Chinese families tend to rely heavily on family resources and …………………….

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More relevant factors of psychotherapy in China

Family (fealty) and the one-child policy: Family has always been strong in China and from an early age, family loyalty is seen as crucial to survival in the future, as one generation relies on the next for support in old age or infirmity. The one-child policy has dramatically affected the Chinese people’s experience and the lives of families. Under the one-child policy there comes an increased insecurity amongst the elderly and the young alike. Parents put enormous pressure on this one child from an early age to conform to educational expectations, moral responsibility, and the work ethic. In the past, maybe five or six children would have shared the burden, but today that is no longer true; single children feel the increasing need to make a success of life in order to care for their parents later. Cousins become brothers and sisters, which is an adaptive social support, but they cannot share the parental burden as each has their own.

The one-child rule is not rigid: one can have more than one child, but the state only recognises the first child as the recipient of state benefits and schooling freedom. Additional children become a financial burden to the parents. Girls are not appreciated in the family in the same way ………………

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